It’s unbelievable to me that God speaks to us. That the eternal Lord of everything we see, the author of life, the most powerful, wise, and infinitely loving God not only created me, but desires a deep intimacy with me. Goosebump city, population: me.
I’m warning you right now, that this is not going to be the usual, short and sweet blog post. A lot has been going on over the past few weeks and I am excited beyond explanation of who God is, so hang with me through this thing. If it’s scattered, I apologize, it’s just me working through what’s going on inside of me.
Right now I am reading Henry Blackaby’s “Experiencing God” for the very first time (I know, crazy right?) as well as John Eldredge’s “Walking with God”. Both are random books that my parents gave me, but it’s so cool to see how God’s word and revelation is so consistent. In both books I keep encountering the same biblical principles and truths, almost verbatim in each case. At times it’s almost like these two guys wrote their books in the same room and swapped notes back and forth. But that’s not the case at all, rather it’s the unshakable, undeniable , infallible Word of God bleeding through their words and experiences of how God has spoken to them.
It’s so cool to see it over and over in scripture and then to see it in contemporary literature today. That when we seek Him we find Him, and when we draw near to Him, He draws near to us. We were not created simply to believe in God, but to experience the intimacy of knowing God and walking with Him (literally) even as Adam and Eve once did. And since the fall we have been searching and scratching for a restoration of that intimacy.
One of my favorite quote’s from Etheredge so far comes from the prelude of ‘Walking with God’ when he says this, “Many people assume that Christian life is about believing in God, and doing good. That’s a beginning. But it’s just a beginning. It’s sort of like saying that the way to have a good friendship is not to betray the other person. That will certainly help. But there’s a whole lot more to friendship than not committing betrayal wouldn’t you say?” I love that, and it drips of truth too. How in the world do we expect to know the things of God and the ways of God, and the heart of God, when we are not intimate with Him? It’s true of any relationship isn’t it? It would be like saying “my wife is my best friend, but I never talk to her”. That’s ridiculous!
The only way to get this deep knowing, where we know His will and His voice is to be near to Him, to dwell in His word, to spend time with Him in prayer. I know this may sound elementary, but for me, this truth is being brought into a new light for me, and it’s blowing my mind. Just the fact that God wants me to have this kind of relationship with Him is the most excitingly intoxicating thing I have ever experienced. And the fact that He knows me intimately makes it that much more incredible. (See Psalm 139, and you’ll get it)
The most incredible thing about the last few days has been, the overwhelming presence of God in my life. Let me preface that statement by saying that the month of June has been a punch in the face. At the beginning of June I came down with infamous disease everyone’s been raving about. Yep you guessed it, Pig Flu. Talk about knocking you on your butt. I was rocking a 103 fever, aches, pains, chills, oh and throw in a upper respiratory infection just for grins. No lie, I would be on the phone with my mom and it wound sound like I was operating a jackhammer, my teeth were chattering so bad. Anyways, after being on my back for about a week I spent the next week trying to regain my strength and energy. Ugh, if you have this stuff, I am lifting you up as I am writing this. I know how much it sucks. Boo and hiss.
Anyways, while I was sick, something began to stir in my heart. Some of you may know what I’m talking about; it’s the kind of stirring where you can’t pinpoint what it is exactly, but you do know something is wrong. So being as I was already feeling awful I felt myself beginning to slip into a depression. I hadn’t felt this awful since I got mono in the 4th grade, I live eight hours away from my family, all of my close friends live in Dallas, it was a difficult couple of weeks. The enemy started bombarding me with crazy thoughts like you’re completely alone, no one cares about you, God’s not using you.
So, what did I do you ask? I’d like to say that I began to pray. But that would be a lie. I did what comes natural to me when faced with conviction, I rationalized it, buried it, and then drowned myself in movies and television to get my mind off of it. (Didn’t think I was going to say that did ya? Just trying to be transparent. I’m far from perfect. )
Seeing as that, I was instructed to stay away from human contact, so I didn’t single-handedly cause an epidemic, I sunk into the cave that is my one bedroom apartment, and lost myself into days of movies and T.V. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever done this, but spending days in bed with no contact with real people, filling your mind with only the stuff that’s being pumped through the box in your living room can be a incredibly depressing thing. You start feeling yourself slipping into the alternate reality of the characters and situations you’ve been watching for 72 hours and you almost lose yourself to it. It’s like the outside world completely melts away and the only thing that remains is what’s coming on next. It’s a very surreal experience. And did I mention depressing?
Anyways, to make a long story short I finally got to the point, much like a starving man does when he sees a table spread of food, where I became reckless for a touch from God. So finally... I started to pray. (I know, why didn’t I do this to start with? Because I’m an idiot, and I think that I can handle things on my own) And this wasn’t one of those “God give me strength” prayers either, this was one of those, full out “God I’m completely desperate for you, forgive me for being such a moron” prayers. I even remember praying “God, Im not moving until I hear you speak”. So I laid there frozen and weeping. Several minutes went by and as I wept, God began to work in that unexplainable way that only he He can do, and He began to gently reveal things in my life that I needed to be obedient in releasing to Him. Things that I had been struggling with for years, but had been either too proud, stubborn, or indifferent to deal with. And as I lay there, with snot flying and tears flowing I began to repent, and 1 John 1:9 sprang to life in my living room. In that moment I stumbled across something so amazing that it felt completely foreign to me: peace.
It was like all of the turmoil, all of the angst, all of the loneliness and depression melted away and all that remained was the voice of Jesus saying: “Jason, I love you. I’m here son. I’m always here. It’s ok. I’m never leaving, I’m never letting go. Now rest ” And I did, and in the words of God “it was fricking good”. (Ok, so I added the “frickin”)
Some thoughts after reading this might be “duh Jason, of course you’re supposed to repent of your sins, pray, read the bible, spend time with God.” And yes that thought is warranted, but I never want it to be breezed over, the way that we breeze over statements like “brush your teeth” or “pay your taxes”. What an amazing (I use this word alot, but it applies every time) gift and privilege we’ve been given to know God deeply, intimately. To have been created for the soul purpose of loving Him and finding life in Him is indescribable when you really sit down and try to wrap your head around who HE is. Seriously, right now, try it. Try to honestly wrap your head around a God that is outside of time and space; that knows the words you’re going to speak before you do; that spoke the earth into existence; that is greater than the vastness of the universe; yet took delight in the intricacies and details of all the systems in our bodies. And then to take it one more step, this God desires to have the most intimate relationship imaginable with you. If that does spin your head all the way around, I don’t know what will. Thanks for sticking with me. I love you guys.
Jase
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